12 out of 20....thats 60% just a credit....pretty bad really. I do agree with most of his comments though.

Good choice of subject and you did follow the conventions of observationalism.

The opening shot of the window was not held long enough. Firstly, the credits have this long slow feature rhythm so the cutting speed is out of sync and then this window is full of rich detail which we don't get a chance to take in.

So then you give us some details and then into haircutting, so what is the shot of the smokes doing...it disrupts the progression.

There is also an ugly sight caught in a mirror - a boom pole being held in a non specific way, not aimed at anything.

As haircutting is the business, once you have come in on this, this is where we stay unless something someone says or does requires a cut away.

Should have stayed with one customer..all these cuts just makes for a mess...and then when we finally get to stay on one customer the microphone is pointing at the ceiling (or somewhere other than the speakers tonsils) so we can't hear.

Didn't get to know the barber.

12/20