Caring for your introvert
This week I've been reading about introversion and extroversion. I'm always fascinated by this, as I, dear reader, am a proud introvert.
In looking for an image for this post, I came across a wonderful article. If you are an introvert, then you'll want to read it; it's our manifesto. If you're an extrovert, then I beg you, please read it to gain a better understanding of me and my kind.
Caring for your introvertDo you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands--and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I used to mistake introversion for antisocialness. But it's a completely different thing.
As Dr Nic explained in his lecture yesterday, introverts have a low stimulation threshold. Just a little bit of social contact, and we're operating at our peak.
I like a good conversation. I like doing things with friends. And after it's done, I think:
"I can't wait to get home, and enjoy the socialising I've just done in the privacy of my own home...alone with a cup of tea, some music, and an internet connection. Ah, now that's the good life."
Comments
Please tell me if you disagree with this statement, but i dont see why you can not be both. Sometimes defining something as broad as introvert can over simplify just how broad this personality type can be. Cant an introvert be someone who was brought up in a repressed and agressive home as well as someone who gets lost in a crowd, or someone who cannot handle noise or in my case, someone who has no problem in social settings, who can be loud, comfortable in a crowd, the life of the party, a good conversationalist, but also keep some feelings and emotions to myself. I equally love time on my own. I go back again to my belief in how important it is to have a healthy dose of multi-personality. It is pure choice that keeps us behavins as one of the other as we are quite capable of learning to become the opposite. Do it often enough and the pathways in your brain will change to reflect this change in behaviour.
I reckon i can simplify the study of people back to the same basic premises -:
-we define ourselves by how we limit our choices.
-we can make alterations to these limits at any time.
-our personalities are simply habits formed.
-habits can be broken.
Practical example - if you choose to be fascinated and enthralled by crowds and parties etc and regularly attend functions, being the life of the party, i have no doubts that within a year you will be saying -
And after it's done, I think:
"I can't wait to get out of this room, and enjoy more socialising ...perhaps with a cup of tea, some music, and a peer group. Ah, now that's the good life."
Posted by: Idlesparks | May 10, 2006 02:12 PM
Oh, absolutely, you can change your habits, and talk yourself into things, prime yourself, build new neural pathways, change your self concept, use cognitive dissonance....all that stuff. I'm not at all saying that genes are destiny.
There is just so much evidence for your four premises...anecdotally, and scientifically.
There is also plenty of evidence, that when you hold all those other factors constant, there is still personality variation.
You can both accept the idea that people are very very plastic, without implying that we're completely blank slates.
Sometimes, I think, a little bit of innateness makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I like to know that I've got some solid constant things about myself; it creates some good identity value.
Introversion is a fuzzy term. It's gathered a few negative connotations. I'm no expert on this at all, but as I understand its not about lack of social skills, or shyness, or being unfriendly, or agoraphobia...its about the optimum level of social stimulation that works for the individual...or at least that is one view.
So maybe I'm further to one end on an introversion scale or not...and maybe, its actually a problematic construct...its up for debate
I just feel that i don't mind having certain stable personality traits...i like my personality...and if i am more introverted than others, i think its a useful thing to know
ironically, i think that maybe change and growth and development can happen via what is innate.
Posted by: Mark | May 10, 2006 03:42 PM
Laughed at being described so perfectly. Your supposition of overstimulation seems apt to me. Fits like an old shoes. Thanks.
Posted by: Lillie | May 20, 2006 01:09 AM